Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
