If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
