I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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