dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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