Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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