They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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