you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
