Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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