i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
