can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
In other news, I just burned my penis
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
