Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
