you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
