I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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