My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
