Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
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