Sry I called you an 8
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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