drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
