It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
