Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
