Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
