well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Randomize
