Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
