He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
