it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't deserve a penis
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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