If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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