Well douche your snatch and let's go!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
