i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
