No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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