it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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