On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
