sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And then my night got REAL pukey
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
