I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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