can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
