I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
