it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
