she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
