Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
