My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
