I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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