I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
