oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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