please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
