the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
