yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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