i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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