So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
