wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
