By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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