He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
