now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
