how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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