There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
