If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
