Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I had to cum in my sink.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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