Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
