can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
and you fell through a lawn chair
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
