he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
