I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
